No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Non-Jews are for practice
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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