DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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