Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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