Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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