I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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