whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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