i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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