I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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