I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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