Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize