whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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