i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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