k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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