clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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