I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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