ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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