11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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