i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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