I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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