I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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