White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize