why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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