you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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