please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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