And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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