I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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