Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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