I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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