who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
where am i from again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize