i was rollin on her like bob the builder
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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