you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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