So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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