Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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