Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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