We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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