Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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