Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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