saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what day is it and did you see me today?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize