I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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