the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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