I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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