nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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