So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize