not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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