smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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