also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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