My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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