I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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