Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success

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  (410): He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success http://tfl.nu/9mnw
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  (212): View more from New York

  guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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  (212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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  (617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?

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  (623): His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/w4b8
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  (863): View more from Florida

  We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

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  (863): We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits. http://tfl.nu/7sfp
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.

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  (586): She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/cn93
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.

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  (419): More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill. http://tfl.nu/mtxw
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  (707): View more from California

  And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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  (707): And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope. http://tfl.nu/sve4
  Replies (13) Good night (1250) Bad night (3948)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
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  (817): View more from Texas

  then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.

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  (817): then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand. http://tfl.nu/4p59
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?

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  (314): She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her? http://tfl.nu/5dev
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS

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  (717): Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS http://tfl.nu/pbtw
  Replies (19) Good night (978) Bad night (2118) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.

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  (765): His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison. http://tfl.nu/cqq3
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

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  (919): These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again. http://tfl.nu/lco3
  Replies (3) Good night (321) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.

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  (256): I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though. http://tfl.nu/tmsk
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (231)

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