my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I am morally bankrupt
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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